Position rankings: QB | RB | WR | TE | Cheat Sheet
Position top targets: QB | RB | WR | TE | Bijan No. 1?
What do King Tut’s tomb, the Madden video game series, the Jets organization and this nincompoop have in common?
Virtually everything we encounter/touch/promote gets cursed.
Over the years, dozens of players tagged “All-Mancrush” drowned in an inescapable wake as victims of an unforeseen sinister wrath. Some unrestrained infatuations circumvented disaster. Brandon Jacobs, Rashard Mendenhall, Pierre Thomas, Arian Foster, Le’Veon Bell, Melvin Gordon, Tyreek Hill and Patrick Mahomes were a few lustfully pursued names who panned out. Others left hearts broken and rosters in squalor, such as Ameer Abdullah, Felix Jones, Ryan Mathews and Terrelle Pryor.
So many failures. So many fantasy obituaries.
[ Gamer's Guide to the Gridiron: Fantasy football forecasts and NFL betting picks ]
As any fantasy manager can surely attest, individual players are often idolized in this obsessive little game. Professed loves commonly lead to lopsided trades, arm tendon tears and empty pockets. A few years back, I shelled out the approximate street value of one kidney for Montee Ball. Yep, that catastrophe.
Resurrected after a multiyear hiatus, here is the Noise’s 2024 All-Mancrush team — a must-avoid list to many — with obnoxious adjectives and hyperbole included.
QB Caleb Williams, Bears (ADP: 99.09, QB14)
A metaphorical Great Fire No. 2 is how hot everyone in Chicago is for the Bears and their No. 1 overall pick in last April’s NFL Draft. Even Mrs. O’Leary’s cow is overly giddy. Please Daisy, just don’t accidentally knock over any lit lanterns in the throes of excitement.
Warm and fuzzy feelings in the Windy City are warranted. Throughout training camp and the preseason, Williams has mostly looked spectacular. In two exhibition games, he averaged 8.5 yards per attempt, recording dazzling on-the-move throws and scrambles with his opportunistic legs. The USC product’s off-platform abilities, duality and noted accuracy — he was QB15 in adjusted completion percentage among all FBS QBs in 2023 — are tremendous qualities.
Radiating more positivity are Chicago’s borderline top-10 offensive line and ninth-easiest schedule for fantasy QBs. Given his bevy of weapons — D.J. Moore, Keenan Allen, Rome Odunze, Cole Kmet and D’Andre Swift are quite the crew — and seamless transition so far, Williams is likely to finish among the QB1 class in 12-team leagues. He may exceed the 3,800 passing yards, 23-25 passing touchdowns, 300 rushing yards and 3-5 rushing TDs this usually wrong prognosticator is fearlessly forecasting.
RB Brian Robinson Jr., Commanders (ADP: 96.48, RB29)
Are you shocked #MandatoryMontgomery wasn’t featured here? Yes, the Lions RB remains a subject of salacious dreams, but with Jahmyr Gibbs (hamstring) ascending and on pace to be ready for Week 1, a pivot to the cheaper Robinson was implemented.
Honestly, the fantasy points per game between the pair of heartthrobs could be comparable. Robinson is an advanced analytics darling in a revamped Commanders offense. Last season on 178 rushing attempts, he notched an appreciable 2.93 yards after contact per attempt, totaled 37 missed tackles and finished RB7 in yards created per touch. Crossing the goal line nine times and showcasing his receiving wares — his 10.2 yards per catch was No. 1 among RBs — he delivered solid three-down production.
Austin Ekeler’s arrival in D.C. muddies the waters, but it’s fathomable Robinson handles the heavy side of a 55-45 split. Washington’s No. 20 strength of schedule for fantasy RBs and suspect offensive line do dim the lights somewhat. Still, the eye test, secondary numbers and Jayden Daniels’ multidimensionality suggest he could greatly exceed expectations.
WR Rashee Rice, Chiefs (ADP: 56.74, WR30)
Concerns over a potential in-season suspension stemming from Rice’s role in an April street race may be overblown. Last week, Mike Florio reported the NFL had yet to meet or interview the Chiefs wide receiver about the incident. With felony charges pending, he’s obviously not out of the woods, but knowing how long the judicial process can drag, it’s very possible he staves off football-related penalties the entire season.
As evidenced in his discounted ADP, the looming legal uncertainty continues to make him a medium-risk high-reward WR. Marquise Brown’s sternoclavicular setback only raises the chance he’ll turn a measurable profit. So does Kansas City’s projected sixth-easiest strength of schedule for fantasy WRs.
Last year, Rice finished among WR1s in 12-team leagues from Week 13 on. Overall in 2023, he was WR3 in total YAC (654), WR10 in yards per route run (2.52), WR16 in route win rate (53.0%) and WR7 in fantasy points per target (0.57). Oh, and his quarterback is some random dude named Mahomes, Patrick. You’re stealing Rice at his average WR30 cost.
TE Kyle Pitts, Falcons (ADP: 67.74, TE6)
My body is prepared to endure more self-inflicted pain. The uber-talented Pitts has never fully lived up to annual mammoth expectations. Blame Arthur Smith’s stupid lip caterpillar all you want, but the Florida product has yet to string together a fantasy-complete season. Until now.
Maybe it’s the tequila talking, but this stubborn voice is drunk with optimism. Kirk Cousins’ arrival greatly spikes Atlanta’s competency at quarterback.
Throughout the offseason and training camp, offensive coordinator Zac Robinson has emphasized a need for speed.
Earlier this summer, Robinson said “the faster we can play, the more efficient we can play.” Flying off the line is Pitts’ game. Despite craptastic QBs in 2023, he finished TE1 in total air yards (1012), aDOT (11.4) and deep targets (11). Not shocking to the soul, he also was No. 1 in unrealized air yards (479), No. 37 in catchable target rate and No. 34 in QB rating when targeted (84.8). This has to be his year.
FLEX Chase Brown, Bengals (ADP: 103.91, RB34)
I-L-L! No one is remotely surprised to see a player who attended such a renowned educational institution as the University of Illinois made this Orange and Blue minded scribe's dream list. As previously discussed, during Brown’s college days in Champaign, every snap, often in person, was observed and dissected.
Zack Moss may be the de facto starter, but Brown — who’s been the talk of Bengals camp — has likely carved out a sizable workload. Compared to his tag-team partner, he simply owns more juice and versatility. As cited by head coach Zac Taylor, improvements in his pass pro could only further ramp his role. The 11-13 touches per game this forecaster projected a couple weeks back could be underselling him.
Last year on only 19.5% of the team’s opportunity share, the then-rookie flashed when deployed. Brown totaled 5.8 yards per touch, averaged 11.1 yards per catch and ranked RB12 in fantasy points per opportunity (0.91). He also netted a very appreciable 3.27 yards after contact per attempt and forced eight missed tackles on just 44 rushing attempts.
Still very affordable in drafts. Buy the hype.