You’re a madman. You’re a nutcase. You have a face for radio. And — my personal favorite despite being up considerably on the college basketball season (see the spreadsheet — it’s FREE) — you’re a complete mush.
Every morning when this -EV bettor sips a freshly brewed espresso and opens up various social media channels, this is the negativity that typically populates the page. There is some truth to the latter claims, however. LOOK AT ME! Medusa ain’t got nothin’ on my turn-you-into-stone abilities. The wagers, too, run bone-chillingly cold on multiple occasions. That’s gamblin', folks.
For those who loyally follow the spreadsheet, “In the Middle” parlays are sporadically advertised, but more often than not, simpler two-leggers are featured, especially in the college hoops game.
Call it The Alt Rock Parlay Play.
Crank the 90s-era Radiohead, gamer. "The Bends," please.
The formula?
Similar to peanut butter and jelly, red wine and dark chocolate or tequila and tacos, combining an alt spread with a game alt total is often a terrific pairing.
Here’s the premise:
1. Find a game you like and SGP.
2. Bet on a favorite side on the alternative spread.
3. Choose your favorite alt total at a higher or lower clip than the standard number.
4. Add it to the slip — aim for +100 odds or greater, but don’t get greedy — click “BET NOW” and let the sweat begin.
Want an example? Of course, you do. Below is how this perceived imbecile attacked a random SMU vs. Florida Atlantic matchup last season.
SGP: SMU +10.5, Game UNDER 162.5 (+100, BetMGM)
The Mustangs are hardened road warriors. This season, they’re 5-4 away from Fort Worth, logging notable victories at Florida State and at Tulane. Most outstandingly, Rob Lanier’s club is one of the nation’s best in accumulating second chances. Equipped with Rodman-like glass tenacity, SMU has tallied an offensive board on 36.7% of its possessions over the past month (No. 4 nationally). Also exhibiting a sensational outside stroke (38.6 3PT% since January 22), the ‘Stangs are capable of staying within striking distance. Chuck Harris and Jalen Smith shoot a combined 40.5% on 3s.
FAU, a widely pegged preseason top-10 team, hasn’t lived up to the deafening hype. Though the core of last year’s Final Four squad returned, the Owls’ repeated out-of-the-gate trips have led to constant deficit dig outs. Offensively, they still hoot (No. 69 in eFG offense over the last 30 days), but defensively they’ve regurgitated pellets (No. 162 eFG D over the past month).
Throw in FAU’s adjusted tempos for both in the No. 180s (according to KenPom), and the upper-echelon American Athletic Conference clash exudes UNDER vibes. KenPom, BartTorvik, EvanMiya, Haslametrics and ShotQuality — who all predict a total in the 150-152 range — agree. Stay away, overtime.
Taking SMU up to +10.5 while also boosting the total points then sliding UNDER and — BOOM! — you have the play.
That, Team Huevos, is how to properly rock out!